I wasn’t sure I should share this story on my blog or social media but I figured if I can help someone going through a similar situation feel less alone then what better reason than to share. I don’t even know where to begin… I lost my mom a little over a month ago. She was battling gastric cancer for a year and a half. Her battle ended on July 18th, 2017. My mom didn’t go out without a fight, and she is honestly my biggest hero and the reason I can sit here and write this. She had the gift of seeing beyond everyone’s struggle and had the ability to make someone feel good about themselves. Although my mother had her own struggles she continued to pray for others and make sure those around her always felt cared for. I miss her tremendously and won’t sit here and tell you this is easy for me to write or I’m completely fine because I know I’ll never truly be okay. I know there will always be a piece of my heart and soul that has gone with her. I know her physical body is no longer here on earth but her presence has never been more present. I feel her when I walk, I feel her around me all day long. She had so many more years left in her but life doesn’t always grant you everything you want. That is something I learned from this entire experience and will continue to try and understand. My mom was a firm believer that God has a plan for everyone’s life and although I didn’t want this to be part of hers or mine I know this is the way things are supposed to be. She instilled a strength in my siblings and I that I didn’t believe could be possessed. I know we have each other to lean on. The loss of my mother has been the biggest heartache that I’ve ever had to experience. She won’t be there physically for my wedding day, to meet my children, to celebrate future holidays and birthdays but I know her presence will be there with me. I am eternally grateful that I was gifted the greatest mother on the planet. I can only hope that I will continue to make her proud and become half the amazing woman that she was.
Unfortunately, that’s not the only loss I’ve had in my life recently… my precious baby (dog) Lala passed a week and a half after my mom. I thought I couldn’t possibly feel any worse after losing my mom but losing my dog added even more grief. If you know anything about me or my relationship with my Lala then you know that she was like my child. She meant and still means everything to me. I was with her since the moment that she was born. It is an everyday struggle to comprehend why I’ve lost so much in the past few weeks. The week after my moms funeral I returned home and tried to return back to “normal life” and Lala was one of the few things that brought me happiness. Now that she’s gone the days seem to pass without the joy and comfort she brought into my life. It truly tears me apart that Saturday, August 12th I should have been celebrating her 7th birthday with her and I wasn’t able to hold her and smother her with kisses, hugs and belly rubs. We did celebrate in her honor but it obviously wasn’t the same without her. I truly couldn’t have asked for a more crazier, playful or loving dog. My only prayer is that her Grammy is taking her for long walks in heaven and giving her all the treats that Lala could’ve hoped for. I can’t even explain the pain I’ve felt and the emotional trauma I’ve experienced in the past few weeks. You can never truly understand it until you’re the one going through it.
I guess by writing this I want any of you that have gone through this, might go through this or a similar situation to know that you are not alone. That some days will be harder than others. That you don’t have to be okay, that breaking down is normal. I also want you to know that it will get better. That the strongest people fight the toughest battles. That this loss is not the end for you. That there is a plan for your life that might not be clear today but to wake up every day and know that you are here for a reason. I love my mom and my Lala and those bonds will never be replaced. My mission is to make my angels smile every day. That means to become a better person than I was yesterday. To learn to forgive as my mom did, learn to love as she did and learn to be strong like she was. People and animals leave imprints and paw prints on our lives and my momma and Lala left huge ones in mine.